Parallel Parking Girl to the Rescue!

For those of you who are not aware of my superhero powers, let me break it down for you: I am Parallel Parking Girl. I fly over the city and look for people who have parking, ahem, issues and I save the day by parking their cars for them. No need to thank me folks! All in a day's work!

I became aware of my superpower one day several years ago. I was living in Oakland and had driven to the gym. As I parallel-parked myself into a spot, I noticed the car in front of me was all crooked and crazy, like O.J. Simpson had parked it or something. I didn't think too much about this until the woman who was driving the car got out and, seeing my stellar parking job, asked me to park her car for her. I thought about this for a minute, and asked her if she was sure she trusted a complete stranger. She said yes. I asked her if car was an automatic. It was. (Sidenote: All superheroes have a weakness. Superman's was Kryptonite. Mine is manual transmissions). And so I parked her car quite nicely (if I do say so myself) and went on my merry way.

And Parallel Parking Girl was born.

Today I realized that I may have developed a second superpower: Sure-footedness. Allow me to explain.

It has recently snowed something like 26 inches 'round these parts. Poor sidewalk shoveling has left the sidewalks fairly treacherous, and curb cuts at intersections are virtually nonexistent. Going outside has become an adventure. Today while I was running (10 miles!) I came across an elderly woman who was standing at the corner of a busy street. She couldn't get over the snowbank between her and the sidewalk and she was afraid of falling. So I (and another person, briefly) helped her onto the sidewalk. And then she asked me plaintively to help her get to church, which was just up the street. I guess I looked sure-footed and helpful. So I decided to be sure-footed and helpful.

That's right: I helped an elderly woman get to church today. When we got there, she gave me a hug in spite of my sweaty shirt and wished me a Merry Christmas. And you know what? I really did feel like a superhero.

The problem, of course, is that I shouldn't need to have this superpower. As I've mentioned before, if people would do a better job shoveling their walkways, we could all just get along. And elderly women could safely get to church. And people who occupy wheelchairs could get around too.

So: Shame on all of you who who don't shovel your sidewalks or who only shovel a narrow passageway. You're on my list. (But if you are physically unable to shovel, you're still okay. Maybe shoveling will be my next superpower and I will come help you.)

In the meantime, I will just fly over the city and look for drivers and elderly women in need.

Holiday Ramblings

The last couple of days, Todd and I have been receiving holiday cards in the mail. I have no qualms with this, except that it reminds us of our own inadequacies in the card department. Year after year we promise that we really will send out cards. And then, all of a sudden, the holidays are over and we never got around to it.

Last year we even bought some cards in the post-holiday sales. We figured that it would help us get our butts in gear this year. Nope! The boxes sit unopened in a drawer, safely underneath address labels and envelopes. You know, the very things that we would use if we were actually sending them out.

It seems we have a block in the holiday card department. We can do birthday cards. We can do thank you cards. We even send cards congratulating people for things like giving birth. (Which certainly deserves congratulations. And strong drugs. Unfortunately, we are not authorized to send drugs in the mail. Sorry.) Maybe we are just becoming immune to the pressure of the holidays due to overexposure. After all, the Christmas decorations go up in stores around Halloween these days, so by the time Christmas actually rolls around, it feels like it's been going on for 2 months. And 2 months of red and green and glitter and Chia Pets is a long time.

So maybe we just need to stop trying to send holiday cards. Perhaps we should consider sending cards after the holidays, when the bleakness of January has set in. This card could be a little pick-me-up that says "Hey, I know January is hard. Please don't make any New Year's resolutions that will torture you because you cannot possibly keep them!"

And don't even try to tell me that January is not bleak and in need of some snazzing up (with a card from me). The festivities are over, you can't fit into your clothes, you get no more time off work and, depending on where you live, it's cold. And if you live somewhere that is not cold in January, I don't want to talk to you unless you are inviting me to your beach house in Australia.

And in this case, I will send you a card.

Dude, where's my car?

There was a snowstorm yesterday. According to the Globe, it snowed 10 inches in 7 hours.



The car was actually a bit more buried earlier in the day, but by the time I got around to taking the picture this afternoon, melting had begun.

Digging it out actually wasn't so bad because of the soft, melty snow. Mmm. Sounds like ice cream.

And then when I got back from the grocery store (which is why I had to free the car), my beautifully dug-out spot was still there. The Parking Gods had looked upon me with kindness. Between the ice cream-like snow and my good parking fortune, I would say it was a good day.

Here's a picture of our street this morning from our window. It's pretty, isn't it? Don't lie: I know you're jealous.


I suppose this isn't the most exciting post in the world. But I'm really not a very exciting person, so there you go.

Winter Grievance List

This time of year, some people create a wish list so you know exactly what to buy them for the holidays. Given that I don't do gifts these days, I feel that a grievance list would be more appropriate.

And let me say that the weather is not on my grievance list. Why bother complaining about the fact that it's cold? It's not like that'll make things warmer. That said, I do have to admit that I sent a few cranky weather reports to my girlz in California after I got back from my Thanksgiving trip there. It's amazing how just a few days of copious golden sunshine and temperatures in the 60s softened me right up. I spent the first few days back in Boston shivering, jetlagged, and light-starved. I'm better now, even though I miss my girlz.

My grievance list is actually based on my recent experiences running outside:

1. Dear drivers: SLOW DOWN. This Monday, I ran through the slushy rain/snow combo that vaguely resembled a Snoopy Snow-Cone. As I was waiting at a corner to cross the street, I got splashed by a driver who decided to take a corner too fast while driving straight into a puddle the size of a small lake. I was already wet up to my ankles, so this really just topped things off perfectly. I'm sure the driver must have seen me: I was wearing a bright pink shirt (that I wear specifically to be visible) and I looked like a desperate, uncomfortable drowned rat. This sort of thing happened to me less than a month ago when I was walking along my street after a rainstorm, minding my own business.

Dr. Bombay, my fellow runner, has suggested that I purchase a taser so that I can punish those who dare to splash me. This isn't a bad idea, although I fear that I might inadvertently electrocute myself since I would only be using it while soaked. And then I'd be really pissed.

2. Dear homeowners: SHOVEL YOUR SIDEWALK. You know, this is really not hard to do when there is only an inch or two of snow. Which may be why you don't think you need to do it. But you know what happens if you don't, and then it gets below freezing overnight? It turns to ice. And you know what happens to people who walk or run in front of your house? They either have to cross carefully, fall down, or go out into the street.

Yesterday during my run, I stayed primarily in the street (just call me Sally Safety!) and dodged buses by getting onto the sidewalk. Then there were other times when I carefully tiptoed across the ice. And several times when I almost slipped. I really loved it when I saw an elderly woman trying to walk on the sidewalk, but in order to cross an icy section, she had to hold on to a pole so as not to break her brittle bones. For the love of God, people. If you can't shovel your sidewalk to please your local runner, at least do it for Grandma.

Dr. Bombay and I may design a jogging stroller-like contraption that dispenses salt. Then you can push it in front of you as you run and de-slip the sidewalks as you go. I'm also thinking that some running shoes with battery-operated heated soles would be a nice touch.

3. Dear running clothes manufacturers: LOWER YOUR PRICES. Seriously. Why should I have to spend $80 on a pair of pants that probably cost a bunch of kids only a dollar to make? No, I don't want frostbite, and my legs work much better when encased in high-tech fabrics. But I really don't think avoiding gangrene should be so expensive. And yet, it is. You'd think I was climbing Mt. Everest.

That's all I can think of right now to put on my list. As the season progresses, I'm sure I'll think of more, so stay tuned.