Show and Tell

I just discovered a fabulous blog called Stuff White People Like. It's hilarious! Here's a recent Boston Globe story about it. And here's my favorite posting, which is a postcard from the homeland.

Who knew that examining white privilege could be so darn fun! And let me confess: I am the sort of white person who this blog pokes fun at. And I lllllove it!

Also, please note that I am aware that calling this entry "Show and Tell" is really just a fancy way of me saying that I'm calling this one in. But I did spend several minutes finding links, so I feel good. You should too.

Ras na hEireann 5K

Do you have any idea about how to pronounce this? Because I certainly don't. But I (along with Dr. Bombay, of course) ran this race last Sunday. Along with something like 2700 other runners who were all squeezed into the narrow streets of my neighborhood for this Saint Patrick's Day run. That's a whole lotta people. Here we all are:


(Though it's hard to tell, I'm in there. I'm wearing blue and I look like I'm about to push a woman with a green shirt out of my way. In fact, that may have been what I was thinking about at that moment.) (Actually, on second thought, I don't think I'm in this picture. Oops. I guess it was crowded. But I was probably still thinking about pushing someone out of my way.)

Because of the huge crowd, I found it difficult to navigate my way through, even though the start was supposedly organized by estimated mile time. I imagine that some people think they are faster than they actually are. Which is funny, because I also thought I would be slower than I actually was. After the race, I had a sense that I hadn't gone very fast. My hamstring that's been hurting was complaining and I figured it must have slowed me down. And the clock at the finish line wasn't much help, since it took me a while to even get to the starting line. But then it turned out I ran it with 7:18 miles, which made me very pleased.

You know, I realize that this may be a somewhat boring post, especially to those who aren't into running. So let me spice it up a bit: I narrowly avoided getting spat on during the race. Now, I can understand having some phlegm build up when you're running fast. But what I don't understand is why one would necessarily need to spit on the street. Especially given the aforementioned crowd. Really, there is no place for the spit to land except on another person. And why is it almost always men who seem to feel the need to do this? Hey Boys! Spitting in public and on others doesn't make you more of a man!

So here's what went down: I was coming up alongside some guy in the race in preparation to pass him. Then he spat and I narrowly avoided the loogie. I yelled out and he said nothing, though he had a smug little smile on his face.

And then I passed his dumb ass.

Helga's Life Lessons

The following are important life lessons that I have learned over the last several months. Feel free to submit some of your own in the comments. (And please note that I am not intending for "Asking people for comments guarantees that nobody will leave any" to be a Life Lesson. Ahem.)

1. When suffering from a sinus headache, it is not wise to look for something under the bed by dangling upside-down off of it.

2. If ice frozen on the sidewalk is clear, it is very slippery; if it is whitish, it is less so. Also, ice seems less slippery when you run over it than when you walk over it. And if the ice is covered with a layer of water from a recent rain, you will slip no matter what.

3. No matter how much "leather protector" you spray on a beat-up pair of shoes, they will still look bad.

4. Wearing a pair of corduroy pants while sitting in a velvet chair creates a lot of friction.

5. When you happen to see your bare arms in the mirror and almost don't recognize them because they are so pale, it means that you are ready for spring.

6. When leaving a voicemail for somebody, never, ever use the word "awesome."

7. It hurts to look directly into a laser pointer.

8. Daylight savings time is a cruel joke.

9. A fuzzy, white hoodie sweater is never a good idea.

10. You know you have watched too much HGTV when you reflexively say "Added value!" every time you see granite countertops.

11. If you avoid wearing mascara in part because it makes your lashes look too long, you're not a make-up person.

12. If homeless people compliment you on your haircut, it means you've got a good stylist. It could also mean that you are in Harvard Square a lot.

13. The best way to deter those people who want you to sign a petition and try to pique your interest by asking "Do you care about the environment?" is to answer "Actually, no." And walk quickly away to go buy your soymilk.

14. The best way to shock somebody in the Boston area is to be courteous to them while on public transit or while driving.

15. The second-best way is to tell them that you don't like baseball and that you routinely root for the Red Sox NOT to make it to the World Series just so the season will end sooner. Or maybe this is actually the best way to shock a Bostonian. Hmmm.

16. If a cop is waving his arms at you in a construction zone, it means he wants you to stop, even if he's on his cell phone, is not wearing any reflective gear, and generally looks disinterested.

17. If you decide that you "don't need" your gloves while running on a cold day, your hands may temporarily become unresponsive lumps.

18. It is really difficult to peel a parking permit sticker off your window by shredding it into a thousand pieces with an Exacto knife.

19. When running, the best way to get a large clump of people who are coming toward you to make room for you on the sidewalk is to just keep running toward them.

20. A good way to kill fruit flies is with a trap made of water, dish soap, and balsamic vinegar. Unfortunately, the gnats that sometimes take up residence in houseplants are immune to the lure of this concoction.