Happy Anniversary! Have some groceries.

Last week, I had my own special little Ides of March experience: Upon arriving to work, I discovered that the can of Diet Coke in my lunch had a tiny hole. Nearly all of those 12 ounces of liquid sanity had emptied themselves into my backpack. So I spent the first part of my morning wiping down my personal effects and wondering where I'd get my afternoon fix. Luckily, the only thing in my backpack that sustained any damage was my planner. I laid it by the radiator in my office, and it dried into a fairly respectable, if slightly browner and crinklier version of its former self.

This morning, as I sipped my coffee and contemplated the beginning of my spring break (working at a school really does have its advantages), I happened to page through my planner. This is really the first time I've looked at the pages in the back -- the ones that have places for "notes" and addresses and other wastes of paper. In past planners, these have been a wealth of useless information. This is the case with the back pages in my current planner. I came across something called an "Anniversary Gift List by Year." As one might guess from the title, it lists some traditional types of gifts for (presumably wedding) anniversaries from the 1st to the 75th. And some of these are hilarious. For instance, for the first year, the appropriate gift is one that involves paper, plastics, and/or clocks. Hmm. I suppose this means that you should get your beloved a clock and have it double-bagged at the grocery store? Or maybe just buy a plastic clock and wrap it in paper? Kjerste, this should make your planning so much easier!

Then, of course, there's year 10, where the gift should involve tin, aluminum, or diamond jewelery. Is it just me, or do these things not quite fit together? Some recycling to go with that necklace, dear? This isn't nearly as good, however, as the 24th year, for which the gift is musical instruments.

The ante goes up around year 41, though: After being with someone for this long, it is suggested that you buy some land. And then, the following year, improved real estate is the gift. So put something on the land. But then, in year 43, you should go on a trip. I guess all that nesting (and thinking of retirement?), with the land and the house was too much. The 44th anniversary, however, represents a return to the nest: The suggested gift is groceries. Groceries! These are definitely not on my list of desired gifts for any occasion. Plus, I don't think it should take 44 years and an anniversary to get one's significant other to pick up a few things at the store. And if it has, I say give back the plastic clock and the tuba, and move off that plot of land. Everybody's gotta have a limit.