"Natick Recycles"

Or at least that's what is emblazoned on the sides of the recycling bins the town provides. I've often thought that it would be more accurate to say "Natick (sort of) recycles" or, when I'm in a worse mood, "Natick doesn't recycle shit." After all, the trucks only come to pick up the recycling every other week. For most people, this doesn't seem to be an issue, since hardly anyone in Massachusetts recycles anyway (the recycling rate is a paltry 22%). On the off-weeks, I often see garbage bags filled with recyclables. It takes a lot of willpower on my part not to tear these bags open and scream at idiots who seem to think this is okay. And my workplace doesn't have a recycling program for aluminum and plastics. They can only bring themselves to recycle paper, apparently. This. is. ridiculous.

Given all that, you wouldn't think that Natick's recycling bins would be such a commodity that people would need to steal them. But you'd be wrong. Back in October, our first recycling bin was stolen after we forgot to put it away when we went away for the weekend. Since that time, we've used an old laundry basket, which worked fine and allowed us to not have to purchase another bin from the town. And we've faithfully brought it in every Friday night upon returning from work (pick up is Friday morning). But last Friday, there was no basket on the curb to pick up. Apparently, it was stolen too. Nobody has broken into our car. Leaving our building door unlocked doesn't present a problem. Our neighbors routinely set junk out on the curb that nobody will touch (this week: A weight bench). But somebody is stealing our recycling bins? This seems a bit twisted. If you're going to steal something, at least make it worth the effort. I keep looking around by the bushes, thinking that maybe the wind blew it under something, just because I can't believe it. Who the hell steals a recycling bin?

Somebody in my neighborhood, that's who. And I think it would be hilarious if this ended up on the crappy local paper's police blog. Usually it details small thefts from the mall, domestic violence, or DUIs. The best part is that it includes the name and address of the person arrested. Imagine it: "Bunky Schmoe, of 35 Summer Street in Natick, was arrested for recycling bin theft. More than 30 bins were found in his basement." (Please note: This is not a real name or address. I'm not actually making an accusation).

I have a t-shirt that says "Police" on it. Maybe I should start wearing it.