Show Me Your Tetons

There is apparently some controversy about how the Grand Tetons got their name. I like the explanation that some pervy Frenchmen who were wandering through saw the pointy-tipped mountains and thought they looked like giant breasts. They probably hadn’t seen a woman in a long time, or at least one who was willing to voluntarily show them her tetons. And since then, everyone who says they are going to be sure to take lots of pictures of the Grand Tetons during their vacation is really saying that they are going to be engaging in something mildly pornographic. The part of my brain that is like that of a 13-year-old boy finds this hilarious.

Of course, we took lots of pictures of the Tetons, because they are spectacular. Unfortunately, many of our digital pictures didn’t come out as planned, so we’ll have to wait to get the film pictures developed to relive most of the splendor. However, if you look at Todd's blog, you'll see some of what we've got. We spent some time on Jenny Lake, which had a fun little boat ride. As we were getting on the boat, the person ushering us on asked, “So, where’s home?” Todd and I looked at each other, not knowing how to answer this. I told the guy it was a good question, and then he dropped the subject because he could see it was too difficult for people who seemed so stupid as to not know where they lived. This question came up previously in Sun Valley, Idaho, when the woman at the visitor’s center asked us where we were from. We took the time to explain our moving and road trip process to her, and she seemed to realize what fabulous adventurers we are. In the future, perhaps I’ll make something up, and say we are from Germany. I think that this would go over well, given that we don’t have accents. Or better yet, we can adopt really phony accents. That’ll teach ‘em to ask us questions.

Before we got to Teton National Park, however, we arrived at our jumping-off point, Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Like Sun Valley, it is known as a ski resort for rich people. We paid too much for a room that had been “decorated” in the 1970s by a drunken cowboy in a motel run by rude people. But the best part of Jackson Hole was the cowboy hats. No, I’m not talking about the cowboy hats worn by actual cowboys. I’m talking about the hats worn by the tourists who just bought them as they rolled into town because they wanted to look like locals. What they didn’t realize is that locals probably don’t wear cowboy hats with capri pants from the Gap. One can only hope that these misguided tourists, once they return home, realize their folly and never, ever wear those stupid hats again. I wanted to make a fashion police citizen’s arrest, but since I have been wearing essentially the same thing every day (like a good little budget traveler) I thought it excluded me from being able to give fashion advice.

Next, we drove north from the Tetons to Yellowstone National Park. I have wanted to come to Yellowstone since I was a child and I saw pictures of it on the National Parks calendars that my grandmother used to give my mom. I am fascinated by the drama of the bubbling, boiling earth. On Saturday, we saw the West Thumb area and its thermal pools as well as Old Faithful, which was erupting right as we got there. After the eruption, people in the crowd clapped. Were they hoping for some sort of encore? Perhaps they didn’t realize that the geyser CAN’T HEAR THEM. Yellowstone reminds me quite a bit of the thermal areas we saw in New Zealand last year. In fact, at one point when I looked through the viewfinder of my camera to take a picture of Todd in front of West Thumb Lake, I flashed back to Rotorua, NZ, which had similar bubbling thermal pools and a lake. Ahh, the memories.

Aside from seeing all the hot stuff that Yellowstone has to offer, our main objective is to see some animals. So far, we saw some deer and moose grazing at dusk in the Grand Tetons, and yesterday, we saw some elk doing the same in Yellowstone. We have also seen an assortment of squirrels and chipmunks. But we want bears, wolves, and bison. When preparing for this trip, I kept telling people that I was going to smear Todd with peanut butter to attract bears. Perhaps we could also hang a steak around his neck to attract wolves. He could stand out in a field, wearing peanut butter and steak. When the bears and wolves approach, he can run back to the car, where I’ll be sitting with a camera. Then we can definitely get some close-ups. Unfortunately, I’m not sure how we’ll attract bison. Maybe I’ll tell them that my high school mascot was a buffalo, and they’ll just want to hang out with me.